A Witch's Guide to Bravery
The key to maintaining your humanity is managing your fear. And you do that by remembering your purpose
One pundit has declared that we now live in an age where "anonymous" trust is dead. After several separate instances where innocent misunderstandings resulted in gun violence, injury and death, the nation is reeling and asking itself, what the fuck sort of hellscape are we living in?
A woman dies because she and her boyfriend turned into the wrong driveway in upstate New York. They were looking for a party happening at another house in the neighborhood. The homeowner shot at the car, killing the driver.
A young Black man, a model student, is shot on the doorstep of a white man's home in Missouri. He was picking up his brothers from a playdate and had misread the address and rang the wrong doorbell. After being shot he had to go to three different houses and ring three more doorbells before someone would help him.
A pair of cheerleaders are shot in a Texas parking lot. One of them had accidentally gotten into the shooter's car thinking it was her own. She had apologized to the man in the car, and left immediately, and found the right car. The man approached her car and she rolled down her window to apologize again, and he shot her.
Five people were murdered in their home by a man who was mad at being asked not to shoot his AR-15 by a neighbor who was trying to put a baby to sleep after 11pm.
Each of these instances involve individuals shooting because they overreacted to something that was not in and of itself a threat. These are mistakes anyone can make. Ringing the wrong doorbell. Turning into the wrong driveway. Getting into the wrong vehicle. Being asked by a neighbor to be quieter at night. We've all done these things at one point in our lives. And the folks encountering those mistaken individuals were so filled with hate and rage, but above all, fear, that they felt the need to discharge a firearm at another human being.
We are too casual about the idea that almost any public place -- a mall, a movie theater, an office, a softball game, a sweet 16 birthday party -- can become a scene for a mass shooting. We've become apparently numb to the idea that school children now consider active shooting drills a normal part of being educated in an American school. And now this possibility -- that an honest mistake can lead to someone shooting you on the spot -- is creeping on to the list of Stupid Ways You Can Die in America.
Nobody is safe anymore, and I am not safe anymore, is the thought that starts to creep in. Fear. This is how fear takes hold.
Let me say as an initial matter that I am not a psychologist. So keep in mind that I am discussing fear as informed by my spiritual role, as a witch and priestess and a fellow human being. I know some basics about the science, but If you want peer-reviewed conclusions from scientific journals, this is not your essay.
Fear is a natural and legitimate emotion. But it is more than just a feeling. Fear is also a physical response. When you are deep in the grip of fear, your heart beats faster. Your attention narrows to a fine point, and you become deeply focused on your own physical safety. You might start breathing faster as your body prepares to flee potential danger. I'm not a physician, but these are all pretty well accepted facts, and more importantly, we've all experienced enough moments of fear in our lives to know this first hand.
Fear is also sometimes life saving. Fear lets you know danger is about, and spurs you to act in your own best interests. When we fail to give any credence to our fears, is when we end up in situations that are potentially life-threatening. That said, our fears often do not activate on a rational basis. Statistically speaking, A child is far more likely to die from a gunshot than by any other means. And yet you have some very misguided people who are way more concerned about the presence of a drag queen reading children's books than the presence of multiple high powered rifles when it comes to safety.
From a spiritual perspective, however, fear is toxic. Fear shuts down the part of you that seeks higher meaning and greater humanity. When we are genuinely, truly in the grip of fear, we will do things that we would never contemplate were we more grounded in a normal space. When we come to fear a thing or a person, we tend to lose perspective and begin to vilify the object of our fear. When we fear a person or a group of people, we tend to turn them into a thing. And for those of you who aren't up on their Terry Pratchett, evil begins when you turn people into things. "Othering" at bottom, is about your fear giving you permission to turn people into things, and thereby justifying the perpetration of all manner of harm against them.
As a witch, I am often the object of fear. As a witch I work with magic, and anyone with half a brain in their head realizes that magic is not a safe substance. And so if I am unafraid of such an unsafe substance, that must mean that I am unsafe too. And shouldn't we always fear that which seems unsafe?
But the thing is, we do unsafe things every day, all the time. Getting in the shower can be unsafe if you are old. Driving or riding in a car is very unsafe. Some estimates are that 77% of Americans will be in at least one car crash in their lifetime. Eating food can be unsafe. The CDC estimates that 1 in 25 packages of chicken at the grocery store is contaminated with salmonella. And yet there is not rampant fear about getting in a car or eating chicken on a daily basis. We assess risk every moment of our lives, and make decisions about which unsafe things we are willing to do, and which things we aren't. Many unsafe things are made safer because we educate ourselves as to how to manage the risk. When we get in a car, we buckle our seatbelts. When we eat chicken, we make sure that it is properly cooked all the way through. We install safety bars in showers when we get older so that we can safely manage a potentially slippery environment. Unsafe things can be made safer with the application of knowledge and precautions.
I work with magic, a very unsafe substance, and do so with joy, because I have learned how to do so safely. I have spent years and years learning my craft, and have learned how to take precautions in my work to ensure that I get the good results, and avoid the bad ones. I am not afraid of magic, even though it is unsafe. I do, however, have a healthy respect for the risk I'm taking by working with it.
So what do we do with this new feeling of fear, fear of our fellow citizens, fear of the unknown, fear that those around us might snap at any moment and be violent or unhinged? If we lean into this fear we will quickly find our society devolves into chaos. You want to live in a Purge movie style dystopia where all manner of harm becomes possible? Lean into that fear and let it have you, because that's where you'll go. EVERYONE becomes an "other" that you must establish dominance over so that they don't harm you. And you'll do anything, commit any atrocity, because you won't feel okay until the imagined threat from the other is gone.
The truth is, sadly, a lot of our fellow Americans are already in this place. They have "othered" so many of their fellow Americans who don't look like them, or worship like them, love like them, or think like them. They have convinced themselves that they must fear being "replaced" by these "other" people who are not "real" Americans. They look around at their neighbors, their schoolmates, their co workers, and they fear. And that fear is the source of their bigotry, their hatred, their inhumanity to their fellow humans. They fear and so they cling to their guns and their white supremacy and everything they fear losing. They exist every day worried about what they are not getting, or don't have, or might lose. And this is why they cheer on politicians who live to harm the "others," even if it means that they don't have any of their real quality of life issues addressed. And the politicians, sensing that if they cultivate this fear that they can win elections, stoke the fear of "others."
The way through fear isn't really about trying to cultivate safety. It's not about making the "other" appear innocuous. Telling someone not to be afraid of something they are afraid of doesn't actually work. Fear isn't a thing you can turn off at will. No emotion is biddable that way. People need to be taught to move through their fear, to proceed despite the feeling that they are dealing with the unsafe. Courage is never about fearlessness, it is about moving through the world with a purpose, a purpose that is more important and powerful than your fear.
I work with magic because I love it. Because living a magical life brings me joy and growth and the people I practice with are like family to me. The things that it brings to my life are worth the risk. You get in a car because the capabilities you have because you have access to a car vastly outweigh the potential risk. You eat chicken because your need to fuel your body with protein outweighs the potential risk, and let's be honest, it tastes pretty damn good.
We live in a time where there is so much to be afraid of, and where so much tragedy is already happening from the things we fear. A million dead from COVID. Billions upon billions in costs from the impacts of climate change. Tens of thousands dead every year from gun violence that now happens on a daily basis in the United States. A war in Ukraine with the undercurrent of fear from what Russia might do with its nuclear weapons capability if things get desperate. A humanitarian crisis at the U.S. border with thousands of immigrants fleeing insupportable conditions only to find equally horrific treatment when they arrive in a place that they were hoping to find a new start. State legislatures passing laws that treat people like things, and that will result in people dying because they can't access healthcare they need to live their lives. So much pain. So much threat. So much to fear. It can seem overwhelming. That much fear can shut you down from your humanity, from your higher self.
The thing that witches know about fear, is that magic is a tool that helps one act even in the face of fear. Knowing that there are ways to bend the arc of the Universe to your will, even if it is only ever so slightly, gives you courage to know that there is something beyond fear that is worth reaching for. Magic is the thing you can do when you don't know what else to do, when you know there is something beyond your fear and you aren't quite sure how to access it. Magic is a tool to help you keep focused on your sense of purpose, the things you are living for, as opposed to the things that you fear.
I use baneful magic -- hexes and curses and things that get aggressive on people -- very, very sparingly. There are a couple of reasons for this. One is that while I do not wholly buy into the "Rule of three" where everything you put out in the Universe (including hexes) come back at you threefold, I do believe that there are consequences to baneful magic. What you put out into the Universe may or may not return to you, but it does inform the Universe as to who you are, and who you are creating yourself to become. The more you use your creative power to unleash baneful magic, the more you are telling the Universe that that is who you are, and what you are about. And the Universe will take you at your word.
The other reason is that usually there is very little that I can accomplish with baneful magic that I cannot accomplish equally well (if not better) with more positive, purpose focused magic aimed not at harming someone else, but at advancing my own well-being. The saying that "living well is the best revenge" is really way more true than we often give it credit for. In the end, what I want is a good life for myself, and those who do not wish me well can watch me thrive and choke on it. It is not my job to make sure that those who have wronged me are punished for it. The Universe takes care of that all on its own. (See the prior paragraph about what happens when you put harm to others out into the world.) The less headspace I have to give to people who wish me ill, the better.
Obviously, if you are being actively and seriously threatened, you shouldn't ignore it. At that point, you probably also ought to think about how to use more mundane means to protect yourself. Again, magic works. Magic helps. But magic cannot fix stupid. If you have a stalker, talk to the police. If someone steals from you or defrauds you, get a lawyer and file a police report. If there's a burglar working your neighborhood, get an alarm system for your house. Fire up the protection magic by all means. But use ALL the tools at your disposal, not just the ones that come with magical provenance.
Ultimately, your life needs to be about you, not what someone else might do to you, or how someone else is living. That's one of the things that is so stupid about all the "othering" -- when your life is all about how much you hate or fear someone else, you really aren't living your own life anymore. You're living in the shadow of someone else's, and letting their existence define your own. No one can thrive in that circumstance.
This is why, in the face of fear, maligned groups like the LGBTQIA+ community, the Black community, indigenous communities, pagan and witch communities, turn to love, and to celebrating themselves. This is why Pride parades are so important, why Black joy is important, and why, when hate manifests in communities, the best advice that anti-hate groups like the Southern Poverty Law Center can give to folks is to show up in love to celebrate and support those who are being targeted. By all means when people lash out with violence and hate, use the law to deal with them, like they did with the Tops shooter in Buffalo, New York, who is serving a life sentence for his crime. But what's most important is to live well, and create joy. It's the fastest way to build support for your community and piss off your enemies.
Your purpose in life isn't to fear the proliferation of gun violence. Your purpose in life isn't to fear fascists and white supremacists. People who rely on guns to prop up their self-esteem and fascists and white supremacists would love it if that were the case. It's what they are hoping for. Your purpose is to live YOUR life, as YOU wish, in love and joy and in the type of community that reflects your values, pursuing the things that you are passionate about and that make you happy. Use knowledge and precaution to mange your fears, and then use your magic to start cultivating your own joy and that of the people around you. This is not a time to hide under your covers because the world is too scary. The world needs you to shine all the brighter as who you are and who you want to be.
Most importantly, even beyond being who you want to be, is support the community you want to have. The secret to managing your fear isn't to dive head first into it, It's to understand what your purpose is in spite of it, and figure out how to move forward on that. That's bravery. And we all need some of that right now.